I can be honest about a sore spot and release unfinished thoughts on a subject that everyone has an opinion. Yep.
The lectionary Gospel lesson for today came from Luke 4:1-13. It begins:
1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness...
From there Jesus, in the wilderness for 40 days, is tempted by the devil.
And I'm having trouble with the whole being "led by the spirit" into temptation bit. I also have trouble with the story of Job for much the same reasons--all the temptations stories in general actually. Like why? I keep wrestling with it and don't have any answers (yet)--just thoughts. Like, if I knew someone who was in a relationship where they were constantly being "tested" as a means of proving faithfulness--I would counsel the person to re-examine remaining in such an unhealthy situation. Right? It just sounds insecure and unfair. So, it doesn't make sense to believe that this is the way a relationship with God works.
That's it. I miss having an easy going relationship with God--but I will remain true to the search that is in my heart for authenticity. I don't accept pat answers. That's what led me on my journey to seminary ten years ago. The feeling of having been fed rote responses to life's questions--experiencing how short they fall from adequate. I wanted to be able to ask the difficult questions and rely on myself to discover my own answers. Living through the wilderness of misunderstanding is part of the deal.
I think more on that for next time.
The lectionary Gospel lesson for today came from Luke 4:1-13. It begins:
1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness...
From there Jesus, in the wilderness for 40 days, is tempted by the devil.
And I'm having trouble with the whole being "led by the spirit" into temptation bit. I also have trouble with the story of Job for much the same reasons--all the temptations stories in general actually. Like why? I keep wrestling with it and don't have any answers (yet)--just thoughts. Like, if I knew someone who was in a relationship where they were constantly being "tested" as a means of proving faithfulness--I would counsel the person to re-examine remaining in such an unhealthy situation. Right? It just sounds insecure and unfair. So, it doesn't make sense to believe that this is the way a relationship with God works.
That's it. I miss having an easy going relationship with God--but I will remain true to the search that is in my heart for authenticity. I don't accept pat answers. That's what led me on my journey to seminary ten years ago. The feeling of having been fed rote responses to life's questions--experiencing how short they fall from adequate. I wanted to be able to ask the difficult questions and rely on myself to discover my own answers. Living through the wilderness of misunderstanding is part of the deal.
I think more on that for next time.
Hi honey....please keep writing. You're questioning and searching inspires me and also fills me with wonderment!!! In my very youthful journey to discovering the gospel, I find that I am challenged as I try to understand the meaning of what I am reading and how it applies to my life in that particular moment....sometimes I want it to fit nicely and perfectly into the image I want to see and I'm learning that's not what this journey is about. I wish that we had the pleasure of time together as these questions come up for me....you are and have always been, a guide to me....so, since we don't have that time YET...please keep writing!!
Hello lovely. Shortly after writing this I finally saw my spiritual director (it had been three months and I went kicking and screaming...) I had a mini revelation, no--actually not quite that strong. I had a clearing in the woods moment that has perhaps made me stop and pause. Let's try and talk this weekend. Funny you wrote as I was thinking about you so strongly on my drive in this morning.