Posted on Saturday, January 01, 2011 | | In Me
Why hello. Fancy seeing you here. Yes, it has been a long time. Too long. Let us begin again.
You know what happens after you have a baby? You bring the baby home. and every waking minute (of which there are far more than you knew possible) is spent keeping the baby alive and somewhat comfortable. And in between the never ending moments of infant care, attention is directed towards the older child. This leaves roughly negative fifteen minutes a day for self-care.
I am lost.
I am oomphless.
It took me a solid year after Asher was born to even be aware of the desire to find myself. I didn't think I would ever get there but by the time he neared two I was feeling like Amy.
Look, here is proof (I need to keep looking at the proof.)
A bit of playfulness returned
Yes, ME returned. But it's just about the time when the oomph came back--when Amy got her groove back that....
So....there is that. And while I truly do not enjoy being pregnant (*seriously* do not enjoy it--just the results) I had moments at the end where I felt more beautiful than I ever have in my entire life. As dorky as it sounds I really did feel glowy.
About an hour before Amelie arrived--check out my hair. Holla!
And then she came and my heart burst into a million pieces. I think details will have to be shared at another time, but it probably was the most miraculous moment of my life. What I am saying is to be oomphless is not without good reason. Amelie Iris is worth all my oomph and more. But here is what I saw a couple days ago when I looked in the mirror.
I am unrecognizable to myself. And is it me or are my eyes going in opposite directions in the last photo? See? My eyes no longer focus. Also, lets not get started on the added bumps and lumps on my body. Or the frumpy mom jeans. Or how the only shirts I now possess provide for easy access and little support for the beasties that need supporting. In what feels like the blink of an eye I went from glowy and purposeful to dowdy and clueless.
You know what happens after you have a baby? You bring the baby home. and every waking minute (of which there are far more than you knew possible) is spent keeping the baby alive and somewhat comfortable. And in between the never ending moments of infant care, attention is directed towards the older child. This leaves roughly negative fifteen minutes a day for self-care.
I am lost.
I am oomphless.
It took me a solid year after Asher was born to even be aware of the desire to find myself. I didn't think I would ever get there but by the time he neared two I was feeling like Amy.
Look, here is proof (I need to keep looking at the proof.)
A bit of playfulness returned
A semblance of a waist returned
A single chin returned
A sense of style returned
Yes, ME returned. But it's just about the time when the oomph came back--when Amy got her groove back that....
So....there is that. And while I truly do not enjoy being pregnant (*seriously* do not enjoy it--just the results) I had moments at the end where I felt more beautiful than I ever have in my entire life. As dorky as it sounds I really did feel glowy.
About an hour before Amelie arrived--check out my hair. Holla!
And then she came and my heart burst into a million pieces. I think details will have to be shared at another time, but it probably was the most miraculous moment of my life. What I am saying is to be oomphless is not without good reason. Amelie Iris is worth all my oomph and more. But here is what I saw a couple days ago when I looked in the mirror.
I've been making a list of what needs to happen to get me back. One of them is to be more intentional about writing. For me it is as though things aren't true until they have been put down in words. I find reality in the telling. In other words, I hope to create life on paper again.
And yesterday, there was this
And so it begins. Again.
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